Do I Belong Anywhere?
I'm currently writing an essay for my social work class at UC about the aspiration and longing of young people to belong to someone or something and how that affects the way they live their lives while the world around them changes. As I began writing the introduction of the paper, I realized how relevant this is to my life at the moment.
Over the last 6 years, I've developed a sense of belonging in a lot of different people and places. My family is my absolute most important part of my life and there's nothing that will change that. Not everything is so unwavering, though. I've had friends come and go, trips that are only memories now, and love that hurt and scarred or made me hopeful for the future. Young people have a habit of putting a lot of pressure on situations, making them more or less important than they should be. Things could be a lot simpler if we slowed down and took everything for what it was rather than making a big deal out of small ideas. But that's half the fun though, right? It's exciting to put your all into something and have it work out. It's exciting to be let down, to have your feelings crushed. It's exciting to get in fights and make up a day later. Those are the ups and downs we all secretly look forward to because it means we're still living. There's something keeping us on our toes. Being young, we get the privilege of believing we can do anything at any time and still make it out unscathed. Belonging to these people and places that will either love us or hate us is something we can't wait to feel. Most wouldn't admit that, so I'm doing it for you. Even if you're not considered a young person anymore, you can't tell me you regret all the situations that made you cry, mad, happy, or excited when you were in your 20s. I won't believe you. You belong to who and what you're meant to belong to at every stage of life.
Before coming to NZ, I had just gotten into a big argument with the friend group I have back home, leaving me to have awkward goodbyes, if any at all. During the last couple weeks, I started hanging out with the friends I had neglected while searching for acceptance within the others. I had felt like I didn't necessarily belong anywhere for a while at that point. I had always been obsessed with the idea of a "friend group" that I forgot to give love to my individual friends who were still supporting and loving me from the side. I think it's hard to accept that sometimes you outgrow people or places you once belonged to - not everything lasts forever. I've had to time to meet new people and understand how healthy friendships work. I was meant to detach myself from them in order to change my way of thinking and come back 5 months later to love them better. Not just the friend group, but all of my friends at home. I'm happier and I want that to reflect in the way I treat the people I love. I hope you'll all forgive me, I'm so excited to meet you again.
Right now, I think I belong where I'm at. With the friends I've met, with the places I've been going, and with the emotions I'm feeling. I think we all belong where we are currently. We wouldn't be where we are if we weren't supposed to gain something from it.
Having a sense of belonging in whatever stage of life you're in is hard. We belong to social media, objects, people, and places based on how they make us feel. We even attach ourselves to the negative drawbacks of all of those things too. We have unhealthy relationships that last years, social media makes us compare ourselves to others, and we get addicted to the idea of performing for all to see - we want to look better so we feel better. I'm asking you to notice what you're doing, what you're putting so much effort into. Should you really have a piece of your heart and a sense of belonging in the things that you do? Things will play out the way they're supposed to, but you can speed up that process if it's unhealthy. You can put more of your heart into the healthy things, too. Belong to the things that want to belong to you, attach yourself to the people and places you want to reflect. You can belong to everything and nothing all at the same time. Be your own person, your own version of all of the things you love combined.
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To my friends here, thank you for letting me attach myself to you so quickly and so wholeheartedly. I needed you and you all came at the exact right moment.
To the places I've been going, thank you for letting me step on your grass and leave a piece of my heart with you.
To the emotions I'm feeling, you are the reason I'm doing all of this. Regardless of what emotion it is, I'm so excited to experience all of it.
Love it already
- Tess