It's Okay To Have Bad Days

I've been feeling really guilty lately.

I'm in this beautiful country with these beautiful people getting to do some of the things I've always dreamt about. I've done a pretty good job at being happy and enjoying it as much as I can. I think I've also done a good job at projecting my happiness on social media and making everything seem okay. The truth is...

I'm still having bad days and I feel guilty about it.

I have a voice in the back of my head saying I shouldn't be mad or sad in a place like this, a place that has so much to offer me. I need to be taking full advantage of it at all times. But in reality, happiness just isn't attainable at all moments of the day. It's not for most people. I see a lot of "enlightened" people saying that it's a waste of time and energy to be sad or mad and I hate that message. In my mind, that's telling me that the emotions that I'm feeling aren't valid. That the emotions I'm feeling don't deserve to be felt.

Emotions demand to be felt. All of them. I think there's a misconception of which emotions are good and bad; being sad or mad have such a negative connotation that we try not to feel them as much as we can. In my opinion, there are no negative emotions. There are only negative reactions.

You are allowed and you are SUPPOSED TO feel all the emotions your mind wants you to. That's what being a healthy human is all about; experiencing, feeling, and reacting to the things you get exposed to.

In previous posts I've brought up the idea of the power we have to control a lot of things in our lives without realizing it. Just like that, we have a lot of power to control our emotions... a lot more than we think we do. I know, you're hot headed and speak your mind. Me too. You're prone to sadness and depression because you see the negative in everything. Me too. You're happy most of the time but when you have bad days, they consume you. Me too. You're thinking I'm crazy for telling you you can control all of those things. I get it. There are moments when I don't believe it to be true either - it's hard to think I have that much power in my life. Our reaction to these "bad days" is what will change everything and it takes a lot of practice. Practice taking a breathe before you say what's on your mind when you're mad, think about what you'll gain from being sad over something you can't change, and let yourself laugh at something funny on your bad days. I didn't immediately start eating 3 meals a day after starving myself for 7 months. I didn't smile at all the little things on my bad days. And I didn't stop self harming completely after telling myself it wasn't healthy. But I did eat one more snack, I laughed at one more joke, and I cut my arm one less time. Practicing these things, one tiny piece of effort at a time, will eventually change a lot of things for you - I promise.

Today hasn't been the best day for me. I woke up with a bad headache, my weekend plans aren't planning out how I wanted, I don't fit in a pair of the jeans I brought because I'm actually eating so well here, and I'm stressed about class work. I just feel angry at a lot of things today and I feel guilty about it. But I'm going to work out (anger), spend time with friends who make me laugh (sadness), go to my favorite coffee shop (anxiousness), and allow myself to feel what I'm feeling in a healthy environment.

Life is beautiful in all of its forms. Let yourself experience it in all of your forms too. You're allowed to have bad days, just choose what you're going to do with it.

Love it as much as you can - it's hard to appreciate the most beautiful things for what they are sometimes. That's okay.

- Tess